Hello to everyone - yes, it has been almost 8 months since I last posted. Life just got very over-whelming - not in a bad way; just in the normal "I am a single mother with two teen-aged sons" way. Many things have happened since I last posted which was right after I got back from a much promised (to myself and to my sons) trip to London and Paris with my sons. BTW - I am still paying off that trip but I do not regret it for the world!
I have been scribbling down ideas for posts during these months so I am not entirely bereft of ideas. Also - during these past few months, I have started to finally feel like resurrecting another part of my life which is that of a composer and musicologist. I make my living in academic IT administration but my studies and advanced degrees have all been in music and I have written many pieces and had many performances and also wrote an award-winning book.
I am working on the second edition of that book, a new piece of music, and another book. But sometimes I still just get so incredibly tired and find myself just watching TV or walking the dog. Nothing wrong with that - at least the things in life that currently "overwhelm me" and sap my creative spirit are not "real problems or issues" anymore - they are just the normal tiredness of motherhood. When you pour a lot of creative energy into keeping your children on the right and upward path, there is not much left for musical notes.
This creative "come back" has been a long time in coming. I ceased all creative endeavors in 2006 (with the exception of a short, commissioned piece of music in 2009) when it became quite obvious to me that my husband for SOME reason (remember, it took me a long while to figure out what was wrong with him) was seriously on the skids. I quickly determined that my creative energies were going to need to be focused on my family. Little did I realize how all-consuming that would be. Then in 2012 after Hubby died, a few days later I saw a musical colleague on campus who was involved in many of the same creative organizations and conferences that I was who quite naturally asked me how I was doing (in the wake of Hubby's death). I told him that I was going to be fine and to tell everyone that I was going to be fine but that I was "going to go away for awhile." Because I knew that creative recovery from the horror of those past six years was going to be long in coming.
Finally in Fall 2015 I have stopped "going away." I went to my first music conference in the fall and was heartened at the warm welcome back. One of my colleagues actually mistook me for another composer who is about 30 years younger than I am. While we were laughing about this she said, "But you must understand that when I saw you last, you looked 30 years older than you were. Now you look 30 years younger than you are!" Yes - having the weight of the world off of your shoulders makes a big difference.
I still follow the blogs in our "partner of alcoholics" community quite faithfully. Especially, I think about Sandy of Taking Back Me and Linda of The Immortal Alcoholic daily (often several times a day) and everyone else who is still dealing with this awful and untenable situation. I will celebrate the days that the weight of the world lifts from their shoulders and from others' shoulders.
I am getting back into the writing and creative game again and look forward to participating more fully again in this community.
So pleased you are back and are making your own path to recovery too, picking up the threads of your own life and interests. [I had not appreciated you had been in London- we could have met up].
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