Another Anxiety Attack

Last fall on two occasions I was called in because my oldest son had an "anxiety attack" (for want of a better term - they are not really about anxiety, they are about frustration). During these events, my son becomes very upset with the behavior of others and it leads to him kind of "freaking out" (once again - for want of a better term) - he does no harm to others; he harms himself (he starts hitting himself in the face). He goes to therapy for this and when these occur we really step up the visits until he calms down again.

I have asked my son about this and he talks about feeling "separate" from others due to the experiences that he has had. Most of these have to do with his early years as a child of an alcoholic but some also have to do with the considerable amount of travel he has done and mission work in third world countries that we have done as a family (he has seen a lot of poverty). His frustration is with the fact that his school mates - in his words - "don't know what is important. They think they have problems but they really don't. They have drama about the dumbest things. It makes me so mad because they have no clue how hard life can be......"

My younger son has said these same things to me but does not have the "attacks." He kind of just shrugs, says "Meh, they are idiots" and moves along his merry way (or goes fishing - he is a bit of an introvert).

It has been observed by more than one person who knows my sons that they have "old souls." They are definitely different from their peers.

The point of this post is: living with an alcoholic parent is going to AFFECT your kids. No matter how hard you try to protect them. This EFFECT (I hate when folks use "affect" and "effect" incorrectly!) needs to be a MAJOR PART of your decision of whether to stay or go as a spouse of an alcoholic. I must admit that I had no clue that it would have this profound of an effect - I thought I could protect them pretty well and in retrospect, I did, but knowing then what I know now, I may have risked the severe financial and legal ramifications to remove my sons from the situation.

Ah well - hindsight is 20/20 and there are some advantages to being a child with an "old soul", I imagine. But - I am letting others who may be struggling with the "stay or go" decision have a bit of insight into what can happen. Hope it helps and doesn't just lead to further muddying of your waters. And above all - no matter what decisions you make about the entire horrible situation - NEVER FEEL GUILTY. You have your reasons - you are a smart and good person - it is no one else's business.

You all are in my thoughts....