Two Bridges

First of all - apologies for the lack of postings...it has been quite the year, let's just say that....

When my sons and I were in Guatemala doing work projects we would often be driven over this lengthy highway bridge overlooking a huge valley to get to wherever we were visiting and working in Guatemala City. The bridge was in fairly good repair - just a bit crumbly here and there - and much of the "walls" of the valley had much vegetation and looked pretty green. However, significant portions of the "walls" had large neighborhoods of shacks running up the side of them - the lack of prosperity was easy to see. In another valley we would visit, the "walls" contained a junkyard city known as La Limonada overlooking one of the largest trash piles in the world. The people in La Limonada would come down to the trash pile and comb it for bits and pieces of garbage that they could transform into a few bits of money at a market.

Back here in the States my sons and I frequently drive over another bridge overlooking a large valley. This highway bridge is gleaming new and leads to one of the most prosperous suburbs in our area. The valley itself is a large waterway with facilities for fishing and kayaking. Like in Guatemala, the sides of the valley are rich with vegetation. Homes - palaces, really - cling to the sides of this valley. Prosperity and beauty is everywhere certainly with no trash piles in sight. My sons and I had an extensive conversation about the similarities and differences of the two bridges that we have crossed so many times.

But the second bridge could so easily become like the first one, couldn't it? Prosperity turn to poverty; treasure turned to trash; palace turned to hovel. Life circumstances are tenuous things; anyone who has lived and loved an addict knows this. Hubby was so wonderful...and then he wasn't. Yesterday, I had a student's mother who was so upset about paying for a karate test. This mother has actually constantly been a thorn in my side about karate-related expenses; loudly sighing and complaining. In the turmoil of yesterday's test (several students from other locations showed up unannounced to take the tests and the rec center where I teach was a voting location so it was chaos central), she and her daughter actually managed to leave the test without paying. My first thought was, "What a cheap bitch." Then I caught myself, "What the hell am I thinking? I have absolutely no idea what this woman is going through. That $30 may be life or death to her financially." I was ashamed. Just because "my bridge" was currently the second one and hers was the first does not mean that the roles could not be reversed. And - quite frankly - they have been. I have been there - when the bills pile up so high because of Hubby's medical issues associated with his addiction and mine with my various cancers that the simplest school fee request from my sons has elicited an exasperated and near hysterical response. So - I will not ask this woman for the money. Perhaps she IS a "cheap bitch". But perhaps she is not.

These kinds of reactions and thoughts and words and deeds are things that I can control. They are things that my sons can control. And now that we live in a country where there IS no control and where the wheels have completely fallen off the bus, it is going to be so important to be able to control something in our lives. I am horrified at the choice that our citizens have made for president and I truly believe that this man is a nightmare and that our red Congress is a nightmare and they will bring us to near annihilation. We may very well become Guatemala. We may very well all be driving over that first bridge in our own homeland. I truly sincerely hope that all the angry people who voted him into office get exactly what they want. I sincerely hope that they get their jobs back, that they can afford the American Dream, that they can make a better life for themselves and their families. That is what they want and I hope they get it. However, I fear that they will not get this and then what in the world will they do?

So one of the first things that those of us who live or have lived with addicts learn is that there are things that are out of our control. But there are things that ARE under our control and I have discussed those things at length in this blog.

Here is what is out of my control: I cannot currently do anything about the president, Congress and a conservative Supreme Court overturning and eliminating a woman's right to choose, the right of non-whites to vote, or the elimination of health insurance for tens of millions. Writing to my congressman and protesting will do no good: my representatives and senators are some of the most odious alt-right folks; they will not listen to me and our police and also armed alt-right citizens will kill protestors. I cannot do anything about Muslims or Hispanics being deported and denied access. I cannot do anything about the groaning levels of income tax I and others pay while the wealthy pay nothing. These are things out of my control completely. I do not have the power to overcome them.

However, here are the things that ARE under my control and that I can do:
1. I can do the same sort of work that I did in the third world country of Guatemala in our soon-to-be third world portions of the United States. There are going to be so many people here who desperately need help and assistance. I can roll up my sleeves and help them.
2. I can give support and shelter and safety to the many who may possibly be in quite real danger in our red regime: people who will be persecuted due to their skin color, sexual orientation, gender identification and/or religion.
3. I can consider (sorry, right now I can only consider this - I am a far weaker person than Jesus Christ - I have not gotten fully there!) giving support and shelter and safety to the many others who may have voted for a con man in great faith only to be shattered and suffering more instead.
4. I can refuse to show my fear and anxiety to my children - my sons are already frightened and they have had enough fear and hopelessness in their lives - I can be strong for them so they feel at ease and safe
5. I can practice self-care: watching my diet, exercising, controlling my spending. Election Night I could not sleep due to so much fear - so I got up and cleaned my home thoroughly; it was something I COULD control - that state of my home - and I did so!

The world is in a dark, dark night now. But we can control our individual lights and reflect their rays upon our immediate others. People who have lived with alcoholics and addicts are pretty good at this already; our skills are now needed in the larger world.