Yep! This was my guy...the man I fell in love with! To be quite honest, I fell in love with the CAR first! Ah, memories!
Facebook has this meme now: Throw Back Thursday. It is kind of fun - folks post their photos - often prom pics with puffy sleeves and big hair..that sort of thing. I took the opportunity to reflect on how I fell in love with Hubby. Let's face it - the "rebel" in Hubby appealed to me. I was always so happy and cheerful and I was quite the goody two-shoes: all A's (summa cum laude et al), always with a great attitude and doing what I was told. Hubby was brilliant and he was also busy rebelling against the life his parents wanted for him: taking over the family medical practice, marrying the "right" socialite, buying a house right next door to the family mansion.... He wanted to marry little old me and be a research scientist instead. It was all terribly romantic.
And as I have said before, for 18 of our 25 years of marriage it was fine. Problems with Hubby's family ironed out and I adored my in-laws. Hubby forged his own successful career; we had our two sons. However, there was always this one thing....the "rebel" never changed his fundamental discontent. He was always convinced his parents didn't love him; he was always convinced that folks were "out to get him"; he was always longing for more, more, more (more cars, more tools, more salary); he was always "getting in trouble" at work..you know, because of that "rebel spirit" that got everyone's back up.
That was always the way that my Hubby was. It never occurred to me that he was mentally ill. Sure - I thought it was odd that he didn't seem to "snap out it" or "grow up" but heck, I know a lot of guys who are just like they were in college... I just never knew that what was on the surface was hiding problems that were so deep.
The point of this entry, I guess, is to say to educate oneself and trust your gut. I remember one time eating out with Hubby and realizing that we were having the same conversation that we had had since we first went out for dinner - how his parents didn't love him; how worthless everyone was; how much better things should be...all negativity and gloom and doom - and thinking, "Huh...it sure is kind of strange that all he does is talk about this. I wonder if it means something?" But then putting it aside and having that gut instinct get subsumed in the busy-ness of life, career, and kids.
If you think something may be wrong, it probably is. That's all for today - kind of disjointed - hope it helps.
Throw Back Thursday....yeah....
Sometimes things are only crystal clear in hindsight. When we are in the midst of the "crisis", we are too busy firefighting to notice. A thought-provoking post.
ReplyDeleteMy husband also focused too much on the lack of love from his parents, perceived betrayal by friends, and other negative things around him, in spite of having a great sense of humor and being able to brighten the day of anyone he chose to . His childhood was very difficult, but he had a wonderful loving new family and a great life that he should have focused his thoughts on instead of dwelling on past hurts.
ReplyDeleteBecause alcohol is itself a depressant, drinking to forget one's problems is guaranteed to make the drinker feel worse instead of better, locking them into an ongoing cycle of sadness and drunkenness. If any one of us spent the day thinking of every bad thing that ever happened in our lives we would be very sad indeed, but good mental health requires focusing our thoughts on the positives around us as much as possible.