July 22 would have been Hubby's 50th birthday. Even when he was on his last legs, I DID think that he would make it to the 50th birthday mark. Hubby seemed like the lead character in the movie, "Unbreakable" - he sustained horrific accidents and injuries but would somehow pick himself up and brush himself off and keep on going to teach classes. I cannot imagine what his students must have thought about the emaciated hollow soul who still seemed to know EVERYTHING about Biology, Chemistry, and Physics despite all the rest of his brain being gone!
If Hubby had lived, the "birthday celebration" would have been a disaster - an uncomfortable event that would have ultimately ended with him cussing everyone out and going to lie down all day in his dark bedroom. So...I am not going to dwell on that; what I am going to do is imagine what a 50th birthday celebration would have been for Hubby had he not been an alcoholic.
Hubby's 50th Birthday Party:
The invitations would be sent to Hubby's remaining college pals and high school friends. Since he loved grilled foods we would have had lots of steaks and brats. With sautéed onions and mushrooms as well. Corn on the cob. Lots of great British beer. He would have given everyone rides in his vintage British sports car and/or American muscle car. Then we would have all gone swimming. The boys would be playing with all the kids of the other guests and the dog would be having the time of her life. House would look great from all the fixing up that Hubby and I would have done in DIY partnership throughout the years and the bills would all be paid...
Finally a cake and we all sing Happy Birthday. My mother and my sister and her husband and my niece and nephew looking fondly on because they loved Uncle Hubby...he was always the most fun at holidays and other events...
But of course none of this was true. Hubby didn't get to have that birthday, his remaining college and high school friends came to scatter his ashes two months ago, he couldn't stop at one beer, he grew to hate crowds and swimming and actually anything fun, the boys were miserable, the dog skulked away from him in disgust, the house still looks like crap though tens of thousands of dollars later I am improving on this, still drowning in debt from medical bills and above-mentioned house clean-up, my mother and my sister and her husband and my niece and nephew hated Hubby and avoided him like the plague because he ruined holidays and other events..
And so it goes with the alcoholic and addict. Hubby could have been having the time of his life on July 22, 2013. Ah well... I DID wish him a quiet Happy Birthday - because he is at peace and I guess that is all I get to give him this year.
